Not too long ago, the hubby and I watched Marvel’s Agent Carter on TV. One of the villains had spent her childhood sleeping with her hand cuffed to the bed frame. As an adult, she still continued the practice, even though she was free to sleep without the chains. It was both sad and terrifying.
In November 2001, God set me free. I’d been living a life marked by fear for ten years. I’d had panic attacks, general anxiety… at one point, when I was 18, I couldn’t leave the house at all. I was a prisoner inside those four walls for almost three months. God showed me I had things to deal with, things that I was holding onto. And when I did, he cut the chains. He set me free. No. More. Fear. The moment He did it, I felt the break. I literally felt the freedom. And I laughed. I laughed like I’ve never laughed before. My whole life changed in a moment. Literally. No more anxiety meds. No more panic attacks. No more fear. When you’ve walked in an entire decade of sheer terror, freedom is the craziest thing you’ve ever experienced.
But there was one problem… My mind, so used to thinking in ways that made no sense… So used to making plans and finding ways to protect itself from the fear… still worked out escape routes and sought a comfort zone. It did what it had been trained to do for a third of my life. Even though fear has never stepped up again, my mind still occasionally makes plans like it will. When fear doesn’t come, I breathe a sigh of relief, thank God again, and move on.
But if I’m free, why not act like it? Why let my mind continue to spin the plans instead of telling them to shut it down?
Last week, God got onto me about it. I’ve sought the “comfort zone” of traveling only where I could drive. I’m used to it. It’s what I’ve done for as long as I can remember. I know nothing is going to happen. I know God has me delivered from fear, and it’s not going to suddenly jump up and bite me on an airplane, yet I’ve made plans like it will. Why is that? Honestly, it’s disrespectful to God and the sacrifice Jesus made to save me.
And then, along comes Deuteronomy.
Always remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God redeemed you from your slavery. That is why I have given you this command. -Deuteronomy 24:18, NLT
I WAS a slave. I HAVE BEEN redeemed from slavery. I’m to live like it. To act like it. I was freed to obey God, not to obey myself.
It’s time to stop looking for ways out of obeying God’s commands. And that’s why, come September, you’ll find me on an airplane. Happily headed to a place God has commanded me to go, remembering that, though I used to be a slave, I’m not anymore.
So, here’s the question… Has God delivered you from something? Or what are you still holding on to?