When it comes to writing, I thought I knew who I was. I really did. If you had asked me, I’d have very confidently answered you. This summer, I’ve dealt with being a little bit, well, multiple personality maybe when it comes to writing. I wandered and struggled and muddled for over a month, and then I had to confess something to myself, something a few other people probably already knew. Something Sandra, my amazing agent, saw in her spirit before either of us knew she saw it. (To this day, I doubt she realizes God made her ask me a certain question long ago…)
I thought I wrote romance or even women’s fiction with a heavy dose of romance thrown in. I absolutely l-o-v-e-d writing my first two books. Going in Circles and Rearview Mirror remain my two favorites, and it would be awesome if they found a home someday. But they may not. And that’s okay. I had the absolute time of my life writing them, largely because I had no idea what I was doing until I figured it out in revision.
But one day, when I was knee deep in Rearview Mirror, Sandra and I were talking and she said, “Hey. So-and-so is looking for a military suspense. Think you’d be interested?” Immediate, swift, dropped the axe no from me. Nope. No way. Absolutely not. I wanted more Circles and Rearview and books just like them. I wanted to be Rachel Hauck. Kaye Dacus. Kristen Billerbeck. I devoured their novels and others like them, and my heart was so right there writing just like that. But within an hour after I hung up the phone, these visions started dancing in my head. (No, not sugar plums. Although likely I was eating candy at the time… M&Ms if you please.) I saw this woman–a soldier–come home, pull open the closet door, and find a man. But this wasn’t just a man. He wasn’t out to get her. It was her ex-husband, there to save her, to warn her that her life was in danger. And she wanted none of it. Until a bomb blew up outside her office building. And suddenly, this plot began to weave and pull together. So I fought it for a few months. We were in the middle of a military move, my husband was about to deploy, I was still working on Rearview…
And I did not want to write suspense.
But Sandra came to me and asked me again. So I blurbed out the scene idea I’d had, she sent it to Love Inspired… and they expressed some interest. No commitment, just a, “Hm. Interesting.” So I thought, why not?
Well, “why not” nearly killed me. I have never, ever, ever struggled so hard to write a book. It’s true. At one point, due to some circumstances in our lives, I lost the will to do anything other than sit on my butt. But I fought. I kicked. I pulled each and every word out of my head letter by letter by by force. I wanted to quit. I wanted to call Sandra and tell her I’d decided to take up hand feeding rabid alligators. For free.
Except God wouldn’t let me.
Have you ever seen those personal trainers on TV? The ones who scream at their trainees. “ONE MORE PUSHUP! YOU CAN DO IT! NOW! GIVE ME ONE MORE!” Okay, that was so God with me on that book. He would not let me quit. He kept yelling in a voice that sounded a lot like Cec Murphy at a conference I went to, “If you can quit, quit!” But I couldn’t quit and still be me.
And then, just when I thought I really was going to die… God up and did one of the most amazing things He has ever done in my writing career…
Part two can be found here.
Jason says
Oh sure, leave us hanging…. 😉
Jodie says
Didn’t set out to do a two-parter, but the post was getting REALLLLLLLLLLY long.
Christina Suzann Nelson says
Love this post! It’s so very you. By the way, I loved the first two book also, but I know you’ve got so many more stories in you. Can’t wait to hold your book in my hand.
Jen says
HA! As a matter of fact, I DO know what it’s like to be forced into becoming the writer you don’t want to be! LOL Painful, but fun 🙂
Carrie Lynn Lewis says
Jodie,
Okay.
How did you know what my writing life has been like the last year or so?
Have you been peeking? Monitoring my computer? Getting messages from little birds?
I’ve been having a struggle similar to yours with a story that feels so far over my head that I feel absolutely and completely inept. It has a military theme. The lead is a retired Marine who did special ops. This gal has a black-and-white, engineering, analytical personality and that’s how she sees life. We do not get along. At. All. She won’t talk to me and, quite frankly, she intimidates me six ways from Sunday.
I haven’t worked on the story since January or February this year, but I can’t shake it. Like you, I feel compelled to do something with it. I just don’t know what.
And scared? Spitless!
Consequently, I found this post very informative and encouraging. As if God is telling me, “Look at Jodie. See what she’s doing? You can do that, too.”
Thanks! I look forward to Part 2.
Jodie says
Carrie, thank you so much for commenting. You don’t know how much that means. I nearly didn’t write this post, but then today I just had to. Think God was up to something? My thought is–and I forgot to put this in the blog post–when Satan kicks at you the hardest, then it’s time to pay attention and see if it’s what God really wants you to do. Satan will leave you alone… until you start doing what God wants. Then he’ll stumble you all the way. And believe me, I could NOT get Cassie to talk to me for anything in the world, because we are NOT alike. But she came out wonderfully in the end. 🙂
Carrie Lynn Lewis says
Jodie,
I think that’s true. I just read part two and discover I’m in the same place you were, with story ideas that fall flat. My plateau is usually 20,000 words, though.
Last week, I found a post by Janice Hanna Thomas titled Seven Days to Better Writing. I didn’t think I needed the day-by-day exercises, but decided a couple days to do them anyway. Today will be Day Four (or maybe it’s Day Five).
One of the first exercises was to list things that make sense based on my interests and life experiences. It was an interesting list, but nothing really motivating.
Then my husband suggested making a companion list. Things I’m interested enough in to want to research. I’m doing that today.
I still don’t know what exactly it is I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m certain it will be revealed whether it’s through this exercise, reading posts like yours, or through some other avenue. The answer is there.